Heart Bypass Surgery

Bill, Rus, Patrick, and the rest of my friends who have expressed concern.... Bless you all for your concern about me. As for the meds, my primary care doctor knows that I go on and off them....and why. But I will check with him before I go back on them. And I do gradually wind them down when I do. With the exception of one new additional med for colon spasms, none of my medicines are any different since I last stopped them. But other than the free flowing tears, my sleep habits are getting messed up again, and that's another sign to me that I need to go back on them. Patrick don't let my posts get your blood pressure up! That won't do you any good, and it makes me feel guilty for causing it! He does have little blowups like a 2 year old, but I think that he suffers from depression as well, and I can't get him to understand that. He simmers down pretty quick, and is embarassed about it later; in his own clumsy way, he attempts to make up for it. He is not good at relationships; he is striving to improve. I know that the suggestions for getting him to read brochures or attend support groups regarding depression sound so easy. If only it were that easy. He's just not the type that would. And there are reasons why. He doesn't read a lot because he has problems. He has dyslexia to a severe degree that went undetected when he was in school; they just passed him to pass him....as they did back in those days. And because of that, and because he was never really shown love as a child.....and because he was involved with women in the past who didn't truly love him, but married him only to support their children. And then, they took him for everything he had....he's had to start over more than once because of it. So he has a hard time with trust; he's been used. No one ever truly loved him. He's painfully shy, and would never seek help. He's like Steve in that he can do anything he wants as far as electrical, plumbing, carpentry, mechanics, computer tech, gunsmithing.... He does auto cad for a living; in fact he is an engineering tech, and does most of the layout for the engineers. He just doesn't make the bucks that they do....because of the lack of degree. And it's not because he's a dummy. Next month he will have been with his company 25 years, but only in this job capacity for the last 4 years. Before that, he ran the different crews in facilities. Ordered materials, supervised different electrical, plumbing, carpentry contractors. Then, he was promoted into this tech position. It's frustrating to him because of his lack of advancement due to not having a degree. They want him to do engineering. But he doesn't have the degree. He really believes in education. He has enough college hours to earn a degree...but not enough are in the basic subjects like ENGLISH....anything to do with reading/writing. Anything he had to write/prepare term papers on! And it's because of his dyslexia. Heck, if he could read/spell/write...he could be president! Which is funny, because he looks like George Bush....only taller! ( I had been with him for 5 years and never noticed that until 2 nurses on different shifts pointed that out to me when he was in the hospital!....And then again, a man at one of our garage sales mentioned it!....And he DOES!) He is also very private. If he knew that I spoke of these things to anyone...he would be furious! He has come out of his shell alot since we've been together. But in order to understand depression, we've all had to read about it; that's something that he will never do because of his disability. I was in an abusive childhood, and then a 29 year marriage that was abusive.So I recognize that to a degree he is excercising a form of control and abuse. But, with him, it's easier to work through the problems. He has already changed so much. As he is with me longer, and develops more trust, I think it will get better. I think that I just need to go on my meds again, so that his actions don't add to my frustration as much. It will all be okay.....but I love y'all all to death for being concerned and supportative. This group is wonderful. P. S. there are several of you that I need to post responses and private emails to. And I've attempted to. I will get it all typed out, ready to send...and then, my computer freezes up and I lose EVERYTHING I just typed! So please understand I'm not ignoring you....just having a difficult computer day! Connie Turner